Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize