Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
