i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
