it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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