i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
