I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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