Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We are two peas in an std pod
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
