Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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