Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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