the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
