i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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