At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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