Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
