you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
