I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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