woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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