after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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