If i come over, it means nothing
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
