Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
