but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
