Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my shit smells like andre
Even my vagina gasped.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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