I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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