Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and she was petting her beer can
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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