My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
