You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
