I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
