Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
