So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
