Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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