Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize