I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
