I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
