I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
