Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
