Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
