I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
