Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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