in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
