So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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