Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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