dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
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Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
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I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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