Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
