how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
no, he came in my armpit
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
