Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
