so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
