i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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