for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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