In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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