Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
