Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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