i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
