She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
