I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
