Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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