Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
