Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
