and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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