margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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