Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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