he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Randomize
