when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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