he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
what day is it and did you see me today?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
