So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
